I was a racist and didn’t even know it…
I was a racist and didn’t even know it!
When raising my two children, I was passionate about having them experience life from a perspective other than our white middle-class American lifestyle. I purposely chose schools with higher diversity, made sure our baby dolls were of color, and didn’t describe individuals by the color of their skin. I was positively impacting the world by teaching my children that color didn’t matter. Well, that was from the perspective of a white woman; little did I know the damage I was doing.
Fast forward to 9th-grade history class, and my daughter picked her research paper on white privileged. She dug deep into the topic by interviewing people of color, researching statistics, and reading about the emotional impact of what it is like being a person of color. During the research, she interviewed a friend of our family, who was intimately involved in our family since she was six. During this interview, my daughter learned the phrase I had used for years, “We don’t see color,” was an insensitive statement and offensive to someone with darker skin. In attempting to teach my children the importance of kindness and equality, I inadvertently taught them that someone with a different skin color didn’t matter.
I have learned that using the statement, “We don’t see color,” is a level of denialism and sends a message to the person standing before me that they don’t matter.
A great teaching moment for me because I am a good parent, role model, community member, and person of equal rights.
Well, I am not!
If I had asked more questions and remained curious in conversations with a person of color instead of applying my white perspective to a matter I couldn’t understand, I would have been a better mentor for my children and community. I would have had a more respectful approach. My intention was not one of hurt or feeding into the disgraceful history for people of color.
I know better now and will do better.
If only I had asked someone of color what was the best way to explain this while raising conscious children, I wouldn’t be posting this today.
I am sorry to anyone I have offended or hurt, especially Miss Erika, a family member. We LOVE you.
Here is an excellent article on this perspective. I hope you enjoy it.
XO, Jennifer
